Every time I go to write a blog, I’m often surprised at how long it’s been since my last one. So often I have this idea that I’ll write a blog every couple of weeks and then here we are several months later. I guess I just have to feel I have clarity about what I wish to put out there before I sit in front of my keyboard. And today, well, some thoughts just called my fingers to the keys…
I hope that something I share here is as of much value to you as these last few days have been to me.
To rewind a bit beyond these last few days, say back to June, I put a lot of things on hold. Most of them were business-related such as website updates, gatherings for my membership, and administrative tasks like organizing receipts for my accountant. Some were writing blogs, book outlines, and researching a book publishing help.
My weeks are full of one-on-one hypnotherapy sessions, family time, couple time, and the shared responsibilities of keeping our home, which most know is quite a lot. I typically add a few extra efforts as it’s just my nature to keep my plate full and to always be building something special.
I intentionally put all things that weren’t the mainstay of each week on hold because I had some matters of family and fun that are only specific to certain dates to manage like traveling to meet my new grandson and then another trip a few weeks later to celebrate my granddaughter’s 4th birthday. I also got engaged this year and I wanted to take some time to get ahead of some wedding planning for my upcoming nuptials in March.
To share in the love…
Here's a picture my daughter took of me on the day my grandson was born.
Here’s one with both of my grandchildren at the birthday party.
And just because I’m crazy about him, here’s my Fiancé and I.
While these last few months have been full, one of the things that putting things on hold allowed with some ease is a priority I’ve held steadfast to since 2001, my morning quiet time. This sweet and peaceful ritual of prayer and meditation sets the foundation for my every day and just keeps me grounded, clear, and feeling Divinely loved, supported, and guided.
I should add here because it’s relevant to what I’m sharing today, that part of the reason I put my membership on hold was due to a struggle with feeling like my membership wasn’t offering enough value to the members. Many of the live gatherings were not well attended and there is very little engagement in the actual membership portal. It was one of the things on hold to allow some quiet time to reflect, inquire with God, and just see what may come as to whether I should keep it going or just let it go completely.
In these sweet moments of silence and inward connection, I always share immense gratitude for the life I live. If you’ve read any of my other blogs, you know I believe I live on borrowed time.
In the last few months, the appreciation has been for my growing family and this healthy partnership with my future husband, all four of our kids, and these beautiful grandchildren. So gratitude first, but then I also ask to be guided as to how to be of the greatest service in the world. I cannot even begin to share how much this question has been guided and led for many, many years. It would be a long blog…
One inquiry that has come several times throughout was about keeping or ending the membership and the answer was a very clear “Yes, keep it.” This led to another inquiry about what is needed to really serve the members.
I have a very visual mind in my quiet time and what I kept “seeing” behind my closed eyes was this “library” of all of the things I’ve created since I started my hypnotherapy practice back in 2007, most of which anyone could find in my website if they were looking for something to read, a course, or a guided meditation. The website that hosts this blog is loaded with tons and tons of various items that were all created based on specific client themes that showed up over these many years of helping people as a hypnotherapist, metaphysician, and light worker.
Within the last month, as things were getting a bit back to normal, this vision of the library began to really sharpen, and I realized that having all of these various assets spread around is not really going to serve the purpose as well as putting them all in one place, such as the membership… The word that I kept getting in my quiet time was “uplevel.” So, voila! A membership remodel and uplevel was born!
Now, I’ve remodeled various aspects of my practice, my websites, my partnerships, and my membership many times since 2008. Growth and evolution are like that.
The membership remodel is the second significant change in four years, which at first felt like too many, but my spirit is very clear that this is the best version. One of the quotes that came to me was “Reset, Refocus, Readjust, Restart as many times as you need to”. It’s a quote I’ve loved for a long time. However, due to the overthinking already at play, a deeper reflection of the grander scheme of my life, which has also been remodeled numerous times really became prevalent.
This is the premise of what prompted the inspiration to write today…
I’ve started over, reset, and adapted to many changes more than any one person that I know.
Here’s a little background…
It’s a bit of a scattered timeline, but I was born to a single mother and an older sister in northern Colorado, and we moved to Denver in my first year. We then moved from one home to another around the Greater Denver Area every 6-9 months until I was 18. My younger brother came when I was 4 and my mother’s 4th marriage came when I was 19. Today, I often joke about growing up in an above-average dysfunctional family, which is a soft way to say the instability was significant.
I transferred schools thirteen times as a kid. I moved to Utah at 18, and California at 20, got married at 22, had two beautiful daughters, lived in 7 different homes while I was in California, and then moved back to Colorado at 28 when going through my only divorce, and have been here since 1996.
My divorce was not only incredibly heartbreaking, but it was also one of the most valuable lessons and resets of my life. One aspect of the value was the very eye-opening realization that I was following the patterns of constant change from my childhood.
My daughters were 2 and 7 at the time and there were still more moves for the three of us than I’d like to share, but there was a shift in the pattern that my conditioning had created, and sometimes the ideal of progress not perfection is a beautiful ideal to hold on to.
I’m proud to say that part of the progress in “breaking the chain” of my own (almost) transient conditioning is that my children did not switch schools, neighborhoods, or communities over and over as I had. They grew up in the same community until they grew into their adulthood. So, while in reflection, I wish it would have been a more stable and long-term home setting, they have fond memories of their childhood and are still in touch with many of the friends and families they’ve known since their early childhood.
So, what am I getting at here?
With all of the reflection on change, reset, and remodeling top of mind, it occurred to me to try to count how many times I’ve had a significant reset, restart, or remodel of my life, my business, my body, my hairstyle, or any other aspect of this life’s embodiment.
It was impossible.
I started to feel a sense of shame that at 56 years old I’ve had such a significant amount of life resets and even still, there are aspirations that could create even more. I started to think that maybe just sitting still and stable and not allowing any change for a long period of time was in order.
It was a low feeling with much inner conflict. I started to fall into a bit of a slump, but not ten minutes into my mini spiral, my fiancé, Jeff, who is also the best friend I’ve ever had, sensed that something was off and asked if I wanted to talk about it. So, I shared all of the things I’ve written here.
Would you like to know what he said? Would you allow me to share what it’s like to be with someone who sees you so clearly that they stop you dead in your tracks to point out the light when the shadow feels looming?
He said, “Babe, every change I’ve ever seen you make or that you’ve told me about has been an uplevel. All of them were really good decisions for the better.”
He said the same thing I’d heard in my quiet time about the membership, even using the word “uplevel”.
I believe God speaks through people. And in moments that synchronize like this did in my heart and soul, I listen.
I quickly forgave myself, and this life’s path, for all of the twists, turns, and many switchbacks. I remembered how often I’ve shared that I am grateful for the many changes in my life because it’s given me the ability to adapt on a dime and roll with change better than most. I was reminded of how far I’ve come in truly just trusting the great mystery that is life, as many changes that initially felt scary, turn out to be far more beautiful than I could have planned if I tried.
As I embark on this next journey of my second marriage, my up-leveled membership, a search for a publishing organization to finally write my books, and many more trips to visit my grandchildren as they grow and change, I hope I don’t forget to embrace the journey. I’ve learned so much from life’s changes, chapters, and challenges.
So, I leave you with this.
Success, nor progress, is a straight line. It’s a rather crazy scribble with many resets, spins, and hopefully growth through the hills and valleys. None of us do it perfectly and all we can do is just keep making an effort to evolve, improve, and uplevel with each turn.
Just. Keep. Going.
I will too.
Paula~
